Where is the hickey?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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