At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
