Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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