Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize