it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
