She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
