it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
