Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
