No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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