Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
