maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
