And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
