he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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