i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
