Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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