Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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