I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
