your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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