Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
