Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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