If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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