Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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