I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Randomize
