how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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