i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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