....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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