Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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