whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
