I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
