So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
