Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
