I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
