Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
