I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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