They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
