You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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