hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
