No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
