we have officially lost it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize