My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
