I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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