not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
