He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
