don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
