five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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