I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
