Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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