1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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