The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
