Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
