Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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