He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
