it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
