come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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