I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
