Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
