it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
