we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
