his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
