Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
