i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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