There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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