omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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