i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
