I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
